Want to Play A Game

I hear my phone ding, I check and see it’s from Matt. I am shocked he just left, but yet he’s texting me. I read his message it says, “What is one thing that other people have no idea about you?” He wants to hold one of my secrets? I don’t know if I can trust him but for some reason my mind is telling me I can.

To be completely honest he is probably my biggest dirty secret. Nobody knows about him. I want to talk about him but who do I even talk to. Everybody has there opinions and I don’t want to hear it. I want to continue to talk to him no matter what anyone has to say. Their advice wouldn’t change anything.

I try so hard not to overthink the question, but I do like always. I want it to be the perfect answer. “I don’t believe people actually know the true me and who I really am. I put on this show for mostly everyone just so I’m not being judged.” The real question is why does everyone have to put on some kind of act for everyone else? Who cares what they think.

So it’s my turn, let me think, what do I really want to know about him?ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

I text him, “So are you involved with anyone? I really hope that he is single. I’m thinking he has to be. I don’t think he is involved with anybody at least I hope not. I remember him telling me that the girl he was with wasn’t his girlfriend but who knows he could have one now. As I wait for his text back, I am going crazy. I want to know.

I decided to start walking back to my apartment. I hear a ding! I know my phone has gone off. I wait to check even though I want to know his answer so bad.

I really am excited for tonight. Just the fact that this will be our first date. I think it is considered a date. Well either way who really cares. All that matters to me it will be alone time with him, oh my god yes!

As I am walking to my apartments my phone rings. I look and I see it’s my mother. I can’t believe she is calling me. I thought she was not talking to me anymore because I am not getting back with Jake. I decide to answer. If not she will just keep calling, or stop by unannounced again. I do not want to see her, so I answer.

“Hello mother, how are you?”

“So Jessica have you come to your senses about Jake yet?” she asked.

“Mother I am not being pushed back into things that I don’t want in my life. Why be with somebody that doesn’t want the same things that you want. Jake and I are just wasting each other’s time. Why can’t you see this?”

“God Jessica, you will want the things that he wants eventually. Just get over yourself. Jake is too good for you and you know it, but he chooses you.”

Mother you are just going to have to accept the fact that I am not getting back with Jake. I don’t want what he wants. He needs to stop running to you for a pity party. He will find someone who loves him and wants the things that he wants.

“God Jessica, I don’t understand how I can’t talk sense into you. Why the hell you will not listen. This is our life we are talking about.”

“No mother this is not your life this is my life. Jake and I have nothing to do with you. If you love Jake so much then you go be with him.”

“God Jessica, you are so dumb nobody is going to want to be with you. Don’t come crying to me when you are all alone. When you have not one person that cares about you.”

Then she hangs up on me. She can be such a bitch sometimes. I don’t see why she has to treat me so bad. She isn’t going to get her own way with me, and she knows it. I don’t care if it pisses her off. That’s too fucking bad. It’s about time that I live for myself. I wish she would get the fucking point already.

Making my way to my apartment, I’m looking for Matt. I don’t see him anywhere. I want to knock on his door but I can’t. I don’t want to seem desperate for his attention. He did say that he had things to do so maybe he has just been busy.

I still never received a message back from him. So I just go into my apartment and day dream what is going to happen tonight. I’m so anxious just to be in his presence alone.