Unloved: A Novel (The Undone)

“You have to actually tell me if I pull too hard, Ro.”

A wince breaks my smile for a millisecond, but I catch myself in the mirror and erase the pain before she sees. I love that she’s doing this for me too much to mention how often she yanks on the pieces.

“I’m good,” I say happily.

Sadie Brown has been my best friend since freshman year. My only friend, really, but there is a strange comfort in not being alone in that, in knowing I am also her only real friend. We have isolated ourselves in a lot of ways, but I wouldn’t trade a second of it—the messiness, the chaos, her brothers, my loneliness. I’d endure it all again for a friend as loyal and strong as her.

But nights like this are few and far between. We both work at Brew Haven, but Sadie works two more jobs on top of figure skating competitively for our school. Add to that her most important job—taking care of her little brothers—and she’s almost always gone.

I miss her. But I understand wholeheartedly. I’ve been the caretaker before. I’ll never make this friendship something that weighs on her. There’s only room for me to help when I can.

Sadie bites one butterfly clip while using both hands to carefully place another in a twist of my curls. “Almost done.”noveldrama

“It looks amazing.”

It does. She’s used nearly all my multicolored tiny plastic clips, but mostly the ones that match my striped lilac knitted set—something I made myself sophomore year but haven’t had the courage to wear yet.

I check my phone again, seeing the same glaring message announcing it was read ten minutes ago. Which means Tyler will decidedly not be responding.

RO

Going to a small party with Sadie tonight. Hope that’s okay! Girls’ night 🙂

TYLER

Doesn’t sound like you’re giving me a choice.

RO

Are you going to be mad if I go?

TYLER

Are you really just with Sadie? Send me a picture of you.

I had: a quick mirror selfie with a shaky smile and my roommate wearing her signature frown and gray silk dress.

TYLER

Whatever. Do what you want.

RO

Tyler, please, I’m just hanging out with my roommate.

TYLER

Ok.

RO

I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.

And since then, nothing.

“Maybe I shouldn’t—”

Sadie covers my mouth with her hand, glaring down at me in an unusual reverse of our heights. I’m five foot nine and my best friend is a solid five two, which means we usually look rather comical side by side, even if Sadie Brown carries herself like she’s the tallest person in the room.

“We’re not doing this tonight, okay?” Her voice is solid, strength pouring off her. I’m desperate to soak up as much of it as I can. “You and I are going to listen to ABBA while playing flip cup for shots in the kitchen, and once you’re ready, we are going to a party. We’re going to have fun. And if Tyler has some shit to say about it, he can say it to me.”

My eyes burn a little at her solemn vow.

“Yeah?” she asks.

“Yes.”

The party is overwhelming, but Sadie doesn’t leave my side.

The frat house is massive and I’ve never been before, but I know Sadie is a frequent partygoer here—namely for a guy named Sean, whom I am finding I really dislike.

We’re currently seated downstairs, amid the flashing lights and loud music that somehow feels like the same fifteen songs on a constant shuffle. Sadie is perched on the arm of a sofa, while Sean ignores her to chat with his friends. Except for his hand, which keeps running up and down her calf.

Maybe Sadie doesn’t mind, but the guy wears his bravado like an expensive watch, wrist constantly outstretched. He reminds me of Tyler and Mark—their entire prep school crew.

I don’t like it.

My best friend looks ridiculously bored. I make a funny face at her, feeling a little giddy from the cinnamon-flavored whiskey coursing through my body. Sadie smirks—a hard feat to accomplish—before kicking off Sean’s hand and heading toward me.

“Wanna play a game?” she shouts over the music. “They said there’s beer pong in the kitchen.”

I nod, pulling myself off the opposite couch and stumbling a little in my heeled boots. Sadie snorts and grabs me around the waist.

“You sure you’re good, Ro?”

Nodding again, a blissful smile on my face, I shuffle into the overcrowded kitchen and take one of the shots being offered as we enter.

I feel free for a moment, from everything that hurts. The alcohol loosens my muscles and hits me like joy pumped through an IV; it feels good, even if it’s artificial and fleeting.

“Actually,” I say with a giggle, holding Sadie in a loose hug. “Can you help me find the bathroom?”