Chapter 23
The atmosphere is tense and even Emma notices when she heads home. I feel bad for that because she was just starting to relax and as we all sit in silence at dinner, I can’t think of anything else but that photograph.
If anything, it makes me mad because who the hell thinks they can play with us like this? I can’t look at Alessandro because I feel bad for him and as we finish and I stand to clear the dishes, Flynn says quickly, “I’ll help.”
I nod and as the others head off in silence, I feel glad it’s him because out of everyone, he appears to be finding this mildly amusing.
As I stack the dishes, he says casually, “Things are heating up.”
“Are you referring to our stalker, or things with you and Emma?”
He laughs. “Both.”
Turning, I look at him in surprise. “Both!”
He looks away and I grab his shoulder and pull him around to face me.
“You can’t leave it there. What’s happened?”
“Nothing yet.”
“You mean, she’s booked in her one night with you already.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “She told you then.”
“Of course.”
I look at him with curiosity. “Why are you doing this?”
For a second, his eyes hold a battle of some kind, and it makes my heart beat a little faster. Unpleasant memories are resurfacing, and he looks lost, which tears at my heart.
“Flynn.” I whisper his name softly, and he shakes the memory away and shrugs. “Because she deserves to feel special for one night only.”
“I’m getting pissed at hearing that sentence, Flynn.” Sighing, I start cleaning the dishes. “Why does it have to be one night? I get that you don’t want to form attachments, but why only one night?”
“Because of that. When feelings are involved, it becomes something you can’t control. Sends you into madness when things change. It’s better this way, pleasure without pain. Emma knows the score, and she’s happy.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“If you don’t believe me, ask her yourself. Anyway, we’re not the only ones catching attention. What’s the score with the beast?”
“One night only, that was the plan. One kiss in the darkness to see what all the fuss was about.”
“Are you sure about that?” He grins as I roll my eyes. Then, as I think about it, I shake my head. “I like him, Flynn. God knows why, but there’s a connection between us I know he feels too. This is a fucked-up situation because we can never act on it and see if it faded to nothing like most hook ups do. Maybe I’ve built it up into something more because of the restrictions on my life.”
“You see him as someone who can save you?”
“Of course not.” I laugh bitterly, “Nobody can save me but God. We’re not strong enough to go against my father, but I’m guessing you know that already.”
“Tell me about him.”
Staring out of the window, I think about how to sum up a bastard and say sadly, “I’m guessing you know already, probably from first-hand experience.
Same fucked-up human with a different face, going by a different name.
Everything you hate in life and more besides. A man who has no regard for humanity and no love in his heart. Someone who would kill his own wife because she embarrassed him in public and fucked a politician in the rest room.”
Just thinking of my mother, I feel nothing but an empty hole in my heart that she punched her way out of many years earlier before she died.
“You know, she was never a mother in the usual way. She gave birth to us and then spent the rest of her miserable life blaming us for putting her through hell. She had a long labor by all accounts and nearly died. We were ignored and brought up by a steady stream of nannies, the longest lasting only two months before they left and never came back. But I always had Angelo, and that was enough for me.”
Flynn watches me the whole time as if he understands and then leans against the sink and says softly, “I never had a mother.”
“What happened to her?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. The subject was never raised. I think I was a few months old when I was sold to my father.”
“Sold!”
I stare at him in horror.
“So I believe.” He shrugs as if it’s of no consequence. “I only know that because he told me in a fit of rage one day. It made things clearer as to why he treated me so badly because I was his child by dollars, not blood.”
“Do you know who she is?”
“No. Maybe I’ll find her one day and ask her.”
“I’m sorry, Flynn.”
He shrugs. “Don’t be. You can’t be upset over something you never had.”
“What will you do when you leave here?”
He laughs bitterly. “I’m expected to learn the business, earn my keep, and protect my father from his many enemies.”
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He laughs out loud. “Winter, my little sis, that I never had, ever heard the saying ‘the enemy within.’ Well, you’re looking at him. Everything I learn is with one aim in mind, slaughtering my father because killing is too kind a word for what I have planned for him.”
He stares at me through eyes brimming with madness. “We’re all the same in this house, and the demons are circling. Plots, plans and promises are being carefully crafted, and it’s only a matter of time before we’re free, or dead. Angelo is the most anxious because he has something valuable to lose and if you hate him for being overprotective, know that the rest of us would kill to have someone care for us in the same way. That’s why we’re a family, Winter, because now there are six of us in this, all willing to die to protect the ones we love. When you’ve never had love before, when you do, it’s like a drug. You will do anything for your next fix knowing it will kill you in the end. That’s why we protect ourselves from emotion. Damage limitation is the best form of defense.”
He sighs and looks sad for some reason. “I see the pain in Alessandro’s face when he looks at you. He can’t help his feelings and just knowing your future is causing him to burn inside. Angelo was right to warn you both off and it’s not just to protect you. This could fuck Alessandro up far worse than a knife to flesh and if you feel anything for him, you’ll respect the boundaries set in place for all our sakes.”
Turning, he grins like the mad angel he is, and the kind look in his eyes makes my heart melt. “One thing’s for sure, whoever sent that photograph will regret it. Malik’s a bastard you would never want to meet on a very dark night. That guy is more fucked-up than me and I thought I held the trophy for that.”
Thinking on the dark, brooding, slightly distant Arab, I shiver inside because one look from him is like feeling a thousand knives scraping against your skin, wondering which one will end your life. I know Flynn is right. He gives nothing away and I pity the person set in his sights, whoever they may be.
ONCE I’VE FINISHED the dishes, I head off to my books but can’t resist stopping by Emma’s study where she sits for most of the night.
I tap gently on the door and expect to find her at her desk. and am surprised when I find it empty.
Heading to her room, I hear the shower and sit on her bed to wait and it’s not long before she heads out toweling her hair dry.
She jumps when she sees me and laughs nervously, “You startled me.”
“Sorry.” I smile and scoot back on the bed and fix her with a curious look. “Are you heading out?”
She blushes a little. “I am.”
“Where?” I can only think she has a study date at the library or something with her circle of like-minded friends.
She blushes and I gasp, “Tell me.”
Sitting on the bed, she looks worried. “I’m sorry, Winter. I can’t think about anything else. Ever since Flynn gave me a choice, it’s eaten away at me. You know, he met me from class today. Me, the girl nobody sees and spends her time watching others get all the attention.”
“That was nice.” I smile and I’m pleased for her in a weird way because just the light dancing in her eyes tells me she’s loving every second of this.
She says almost dreamily, “He walked with me to my next class and carried my bag. He was funny and sweet and nothing like I imagined. I felt like a queen–his queen and it was good to be looked at differently, like I was someone who counted for just a brief moment.”
“I’m pleased for you, Emma.” I smile because seeing her happy makes me happy but I’m still worried and say tentatively, “But how will you feel when he doesn’t look at you the next day because it could happen you know?”
I’m surprised when she laughs and says like she’s comforting a child, “I’m ok with that. I just want to feel special, and he has promised to make it a night I will never forget. I just want that experience so I can shake this longing I feel that’s burning me from the inside. I want to know what’s so great about that secret I’ve never had the opportunity to learn and then I can go back to the books and do what I came here for. One night only is all I want, and I’m absolutely sure about that.”
I’m worried for my friend because I’m not sure she’s thinking this through, and she shrugs. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Wish me luck.”
As I smile, I feel a lot of envy toward Emma. At least she will have a nice memory to look back on. She’s making her own decisions on her own terms, and I wish I had that luxury. Just thinking about my first time makes me sad because I’ll never feel that giddiness that’s apparent in her eyes. My own experience is bound to be hard to deal with because the man who makes it happen is likely to be even more of a bastard than my father who won’t waste this opportunity to merge our family with a more powerful one. Then the man I’m promised to will use me like a possession with none of the love I crave.