fanqie novel
56
“This morning, I was being an asshole. I was being selfish. I was avoiding what I knew I needed to do because I didn’t know how to do it.” He exhaled. “I shouldn’t have acted that way. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t change what you said and what you meant.”
His eyes dropped from mine for only a second, and I knew he was so far outside his comfort zone, this discussion so unlike anything he normally had.
“You’re right; it doesn’t. But for what it’s worth, my feelings for you this morning were as strong as they are now.”
I wanted to get to the bottom of this, so I said, “Something’s changed. What was it?”
He shifted, and the brief movement sent me his cologne. “While you were at the bar with the cowboy, I was talking to Walter and Jenner about you.”
“Really?”
His expression softened. “Walter saw right through me. He immediately knew I had feelings for you, which came as a surprise to Jenner. What I learned from that chat was that Jenner had gone through the same thing with Jo. Jenner didn’t want to tell Walter that he was in love with his daughter, the same way I haven’t wanted to tell my bosses and friends how I feel about you.”
My lip started to tremble, and I pulled it into my mouth.
Is this really happening?
“The job, I can replace,” he continued. “The friendships, those will be much harder, if it even comes to that, but I won’t let that stop me.” His thumb stroked my cheek. “I can’t lose you, Hannah. Everywhere I turn, someone is trying to steal you. If I wait any longer, you’ll be gone forever.” He brought our faces closer. “I’m not going to let that happen.”
A tingling moved through my body. Not the kind I was used to when it came to Declan. This was more of a warmth that reminded me of campfires and the glow from a sunset. The feeling increased as I took in more of his eyes.
“You’re choosing us …” The admission came out of me softly, my heart catching up, as though it were a step behind my voice.
Because even though I was witnessing this moment, I was present for it, I still couldn’t believe it was happening. I hadn’t been sure if Declan was ever going to come around, if he was capable of giving me what I wanted.
But he stood in this doorway, not even inside my room, like he hadn’t been able to wait to get this out, and he was speaking the words I’d dreamed of hearing.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.
His fingers pressed down harder on my face, and his lips moved closer, hovering above mine. “I am,” he whispered. “That is, if you’ll still have me …”
NINETEEN
DECLAN
“T
hat is, if you’ll still have me …”
I heard the words I’d spoken to Hannah repeat again and again in my head as I stared at her beautiful face.
Before I stood at her door, pouring my fucking heart out, I’d gone for a walk around Jackson Hole’s tiny downtown, aimlessly wandering up and down the streets, trying to sort through my thoughts. I passed cowboys and couples, music filtering out to the sidewalk every time a bar door opened. When I didn’t feel like walking anymore, I found myself in a small park, the entrance an arch of antlers.
While I sat on that bench, I thought about Hannah. She was such a good girl, goddamn it. Considerate, caring. Almost every day, she brought some kind of dessert into the office, most of them apple-flavored after she found out that was my favorite. I remembered the morning, several weeks back, when I’d looked out my office window and saw her outside with my lunch in her hands, stopping to place money in a homeless man’s cup. My team always spoke about how appreciative they were that Hannah would stay long past normal office hours to help them with every assignment.
Time was something Hannah had very little of, but it seemed that was what she gave out the most-to Ford, whenever he needed her to watch his daughter; to my team, when even the slightest hiccup arose; and even to me, never saying no regardless of what I asked.
The truth was, I didn’t deserve her.
But at least I’d poured my heart out to her.
At least I’d finally told her how I felt.
And now, what gazed back at me were eyes so shocked and emotional that I could have told her she’d won the lottery.
When she’d returned to the hotel after the bar, washed the makeup off her face, and climbed into bed, she obviously hadn’t expected me to come to her door.
I hadn’t either.
Not during this trip, not while she was still my intern.
But here I was.
“Declan …” she started after taking several moments to gather herself. She filled her lungs with some deep breaths before she continued, “I know there’s a chance you’re going to hurt me. You’re human. I’m probably going to hurt you as well at some point.” She released the sides of her robe to put her hands on my shoulders. “And I don’t want you to be perfect. Perfect is boring.” She scrunched her nose in the most adorable way. “To be honest, I don’t really know how to navigate this either. I don’t have a ton of experience with relationships, so we can figure this out our way.” She slid her hands up to the back of my head. “I don’t want your opinion to always align with mine. How boring would it be if we couldn’t have hate sex after an epic debate?” She lowered her voice as she added, “I can promise, there are going to be times when you’ll want to kill me, too, like when I accidentally use your toothbrush or leave a wet towel on the bed.”
I rubbed my nose against hers, breathing her in. “You can use my toothbrush anytime you want.”
“I’m choosing us, Declan.” Her hands left my head, and they pressed against the back of my palms, holding us together. “The answer is yes. I’ll still have you.”
I couldn’t wait a second longer.
I closed the tiny space between us and slammed my mouth to hers, my entire body lighting on fire the second I tasted her.
Fuck.
This girl could kiss, and it didn’t matter how much I was savoring her mouth or taking my time with her tongue; it still wouldn’t be enough. I needed more. As I backed her up into the room, she moaned with each exhale, running her fingers through my hair.