Taming Mr. CEO

There is a heavyweight on my chest as I climbed downstairs. After I put back Logan’s phone, I have decided to grab a drink that can help me erase the pain my curiosity cause me. When I reached the kitchen, I instantly tugged out a can of beer from the refrigerator and sat on the stool, and then opened it. Bitterness conquered my mouth when I started to drink it until I only find it empty so I grabbed another can again. Hopefully, these may soothe the pain… that this can help me or at least set aside the heavy feeling I have right now.

Clutching my chest, right where my heart lies beneath, I walked back upstairs before Logan may notice that I am not laying beside him. But because of what happened, in my case now… how can I still endure sleeping beside him? How can I endure those hugs and kisses from him knowing that it all says the same meaning? He didn’t love me, nor like me… it was still her and she will forever be. And even though how much I dream to be in Logan’s heart, in the end, I wouldn’t replace Ynez.

When I reached my room, it took me minutes before I could decide to jump on the bed and lay beside him. I made sure that there was enough space between us, unlike those past few nights where we slept together with almost no space in between. Controlling my heavy breath, I stared at Logan who’s now peacefully sleeping, and then my eyes then landed on his phone I’d been holding in the bathroom earlier.

Bringing back my stares on Logan, I bit my lips to prevent myself from bursting into crying. “I shouldn’t have blinded by your sweetness, I shouldn’t have made myself believe that I am perhaps special on you. In the first place… from the very start, I am aware that you still love her but I set aside that fact just so I can make myself feel better. Now, I regret it, Logan. I regret loving you a man who’s still in love with the girl in his past,” I whispered silently, assuring him that he won’t be going to hear what I have said.

Tears rolled down from my eyes as I turned my back on him. I then turned off the lampshade and then let out my uncontrollable silent sobs. I just covered my mouth with my hands and then right where darkness surrounds me, I cried my heart out in the most silent way.

The next day, I opened my eyes because of the light hitting my face. Unlike those past mornings, today feels so gloomy, so hazy. I couldn’t even think how I still made my morning routine quickly despite my sluggishness. It was exactly seven in the morning when I climbed down for my breakfast. At the kitchen, I saw Logan who’s already in his business suit while preparing Aisle’s milk. When he suddenly flew his eyes in my direction, he smiled which made me gripped on my bag tightly.

Please. I am begging you… please. Stop smiling at me that way. Stop doing that… please.

“Good morning.” I hitched in my place when I suddenly felt Logan kiss me. Because of being clouded with my thoughts and emotions, I didn’t notice that he is already reached my place.

I forced a smile. “Good morning,” I greet back before walking over to the table where Aisle is already eating her breakfast.

The breakfast went normal, and after almost an hour, we already reach the company after dropping Aisle at her school. I tried my best to act normal while I am alone with Logan in his car. When he is raising a question, I answered in my normal tone. I didn’t give him a hint on what was going on in my mind. It was my choice to invade his phone without his permission. It was my choice to feed my curiosity so I must suffer the consequences of my impulsive decision without him knowing it. If I didn’t let myself be succumbed to what Claire have told me yesterday, then I wouldn’t feel the pain I have right now. But despite that, I still thank Claire for fueling up my curiosity. Now I know where I should stand in Logan’s life.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

Now I know that even though he is married to me, his heart will never belong to me. It was her… it was Ynez who still own him. And I should accept that fact wholeheartedly instead.

“I am going on the site again, so I’ll leave you for a while and be back before lunch. Do you want certain foods for lunch, hm?” Logan sweetly snaked his arms around my waist while he is standing in front of me.

My heart is thumping damn hard because of his presence but I conceal the awkwardness with a faked smile. “I’m not picky. The decision is on you,” I replied.

He smiled and then pulled out from the hug. “Okay then, I’ll give you the most delicious lunch in town,” he joked before leaning closer to me and giving me a quick kiss on my temple.

I told you to stop this. Please, don’t make it so hard for me to move on, Logan. I am already dying. If you continue being so sweet to me, I might be lost my control now and let myself love you despite anything.

“Wait for me, I’ back.” Logan waved his hand as he stepped outside. And when I was already alone in the office, I bit my lips and then burst out crying.

He loved someone else, Alice so for goodness’ sake, back off! Let your feelings go and move on. Just accept the fact that even though how much you loved him, he will not do the same. Claire is right, he can break you ruthlessly if you still let yourself be blinded by your heart’s feelings towards him.

***

It was almost one hour before twelve, exactly three hours after Logan left for checking the site. I leaned exhaustedly on my chair, stretching out my limbs before lifting my butt to grab some snacks in the cafeteria. I walked through the hallway and some of the employees greeted me as I passed them. When I reached the cafeteria, I walked over the counter and ordered my favorite lasagna and a cold tea. I then sat at the table near the window glass and started eating my food. But in my halfway to finishing my plate of lasagna, someone suddenly interrupted me when she impolitely took the seat in front of me.

I lifted my head to face the woman and see her face even though I already know who she is because of her expensive perfume wafting out as soon as she came near me.

“Good morning, Miss Secretary,” Claire greeted with a faked smile on her lips which is coated by her thick intense red matte lipstick. “How was your day? Is it good? Or is it bad?”

“Why are you here?” I asked instead.

“Uh, let me guess.” She faked a laugh this time before leaning closer. “You’re having a bad day, didn’t you?” There was a mockery in her voice but I chose to shove it away and leave my table instead.

I stepped out of the cafeteria and then walked over to the elevator. I breathe in relief when Claire didn’t follow me anymore but when I reached back the office, it only took her a couple of minutes before she swung the door open. Claire gracefully walked over to my table and then sat on the visitor’s chair to relax. I rolled my eyes when she started blabbering about the things I didn’t want to hear anymore.

“Did you just come here so you can piss the hell out of me, huh? If yes, then fine… congratulations! You already did so can you please give me a f*cking favor, leave me alone!” I roared after losing my patience for her.

Claire suddenly becomes speechless when I fumed in anger but then again, this woman seems like didn’t get what I said or she is just really pushing me to my limit.

“I told you, Miss Secretary,” she chimed. “Logan will not take you seriously. I guess you already saw her, the woman who owns your husband. What can you say about her? Isn’t she dazzling, isn’t she? She’s perfectly suited for Logan but too bad for her, she died early. Now, Logan is suffering and even though he is already married to you, he will not love you the way he loved Ynez.”

I clenched my fists into tight balls as her words are like acid burning me alive. Like millions of knives stabbing my heart to death. I felt how the green monster is slowly gnawing me alive, giving me excruciating pain.

“But you still have one option left, Miss Secretary,” Claire smirked. “Give Logan to me and get out of his life. In that case, you can move on and the pain will eventually go after days or weeks perhaps.”

Weeks? Days? Did she really think that I can get over with Logan that fast?

“Leave, Claire… leave. I don’t want to see you again. And if you’re still into Logan, go on! Get him! Tie him on you, I don’t care. I don’t care at all, understand?!” Claire just bid her sweet goodbye before leaving me crying in the office.

With my arms resting on my table, I shove my face on them and then cry my heart out. The memory of last night came back freshly on my mind. It keeps on flashing until I couldn’t do anything but to cry instead. The pain is at a different level to the point that I only wish for my heart to get numb so I can no longer feel this aching heart. And if there were only medicine that I can take so I can erase the pain, I will overdose myself.

“Hey, are you alright?” Logan raised a question while we were eating inside his office.

I nodded silently before stuffing my mouth with food.

“You seem like you were not. I also noticed that your eyes were swollen when I get back. What’s wrong? Tell me.”

I stared at him instead. Without saying anything, I just locked my eyes on him until I felt how my eyes slowly watered which alerted him. As a result, he drew closer and held my shoulders as he guided my face to face him.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Hey, is everything alright?!” His voice coated by concern seems like strangling my heart. And his presence, his hands touching me is just like poison-slowly killing me.

How many times do I have to beg on you, Logan? How many times do I have to tell you that stop doing that… stop showing that side of you on me again. It’s frustrating the hell out of me.

“Stop… please stop, Logan…” I sob.

“Stop what?” he asked in confusion. “What are you talking about? What should I stop, huh?”

“That…” I trailed. “Please stop being so sweet, so nice… please stop caring… just f*cking stop. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where should I believe. I am tired of making myself believe that you genuinely care for me or not. Logan, please… stay away from me so I can prevent myself from falling even more.”

Please stay away. Be gone. Just be the Logan I knew before. The ruthless, the so arrogant boss, the insensitive one so I can give myself a reason to hate you.