fanqie novel
Chapter 232
I racked my brain for every conceivable reason Dexter might have fallen out of love with me. But I never considered that it was I who was mixed up, I who loved the wrong person, I who was deceived,
A fire of frustration smoldered in my chest, and I trembled like a leaf in a storm, unable to take another step forward, Tears cascaded down uncontrollably, and my mind, my very soul, was haunted by Colin,
There he stood, a silhouette against the backlight of the fog, turning back to look at me.
By what right? Phoebe Caldwell, by what right do you forget him, erase him so completely, and fall so recklessly in love with another?
By what right?
Sobbing, I ducked into the emergency stairwell and slapped myself hard across the face.
“What right do you have…” I was interrogating myself.
Why couldn’t I remember? Why!
“Ah!” Desperation led to collapse, and I sat huddled in a corner, clutching my hair and growling low. I questioned why I couldn’t remember everything, why I had to forget Colin.
Why had I made Dexter my crutch?
So, maybe I deserved my own death? Because I had ‘betrayed‘ Colin. Even if he was the one who killed me, it would be no more than I deserved. I should be dead.
I deserved it!Còntens bel0ngs to Nô(v)elDr/a/ma.Org
“Phoebe…” Up the stairs of the emergency exit, Colin stood in his hospital gown, fingers dripping blood..
I looked up at him, then broke down again in tears.
“Do you not want me anymore?” His voice was hoarse as he approached.
I looked up at him as though he were my savior. He wasn’t a devil, never had been.
“Colin.” I reached out to him.
He grabbed my hand with a nervous glance.
“You’re an idiot, you know that?” No genius was like him.
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight. “Yeah, I’m an idiot.”
As long as Phoebe still wanted him.
“The nurse said you shouldn’t be out of bed.” I choked out through tears.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t listen.” Colin whispered an apology, each word seemed to soothe my pain. “Punish me. Just don’t leave me, don’t let them take you, don’t believe him.”
“Did you pull out your IV and run here?” I pressed my hand against his still bleeding hand as! wiped away my tears.
“It doesn’t hurt at all,” he said softly, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Idiot,” I scolded.
“Why are you crying?” Colin cradled my face gently. “Did he make you angry? I’ll get rid of him.”
I shook my head, tears still flowing. “Why can’t I remember, no matter how hard I try.”
Why could I only recall those fragmented memories? Why did I have to forget Colin?
I hated myself. I was consumed by guilt.
Colin’s fingers stiffened, icy to the touch. “Don’t try to remember. It’s better this way.”
He bent down, kissing the tears at the corner of my eyes. His touch was feather–light, as if he were handling his most prized piece of art.
Suddenly, I remembered the basement Finn had taken me to, filled with glass cases and animal specimens.
“Colin, why do you collect those dead animals? Those little creatures, did you kill them?” I asked softly.
Colin’s gaze flickered with panic and evasion.
I watched Colin nervously, fearful that the creatures under glass were indeed his victims.
“No. They were gifts.“, Colin looked down, tugging at his fingers.
I paused, uncertain if Colin was lying or if they truly were gifts from friends.
For some reason, Carter sprang to mind, a man who had vanished even more completely from
my memory.
Judging from the photos at Carter’s sister’s place, the three of us once shared a decent relationship, enough to take pictures together, yet I had absolutely no recollection of him.