My Not Yet Mate

Chapter 50

Lily

As soon as Lukas- she looked at him, her father landed, she dashed inside. She inhaled deeply and Gemma guided her to stand directly outside of Aiden’s smaller office. She pushed it open and everybody inside froze. Seconds ticked by, before there was a flurry of movement inside. Sasha, Aiden, Gregory, Kalani, James and Sommer all jumped in front of Jo, Ethan and Lukas. She narrowed her eyes on Sasha and Aiden.

“Lily, you’re-”

She tilted her head. “Lukas?”

Sasha stepped forward. “Lily, we

“Get out,” her father said as his hands landed on her shoulders

Sasha hesitated, “Dad, we-

“I said get out.”

The air grew more tense as they all eyed him…

“I SAID NOW!”

They all scrambled to do it bidding. He put his hand on Lakas’s chest and pushed him back towards the couch.

“Not you.”

He turned Lily around and tipped her face up. “If you need me, I will be right outside, okay?”

She nodded and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, princess.”

He stepped out the door and shut it behind him. Lily heard him growl and then the sound of people running away. She took a deep breath and turned to face Lukas.

“Lukas-”

“Lily, I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to be here, but we were all worried about you and we didn’t know how to help you. We were only trying to help you. Please, don’t blame them. This was all my ”

She crossed the room to climb onto his lap. She laid her head on his chest and he fell silent. She ran her fingers up his arm and closed her eyes when their sparks started to ease her worry. Goddess, he smelled so good.

“Lily, 1-”

She leaned back to press her finger against his lips, making him fall silent again.

“Let me talk, before I can’t.” He nodded. “Loatie hurt me. Really bad.” He teased under her and she walked her fingers up his arms, relaxing both of them slightly. “Sometimes, he would…” She closed her eyes. “He would make me do stuff to the women he brought home.” She paused to get her emotions under control. “He liked to watch me with them.”

She took in a deep breath. Goddess, this was hard, but he needed to know. She had thought she was almost healed, but the constant reminder of everything that had happened had made it harder.

His arms went around her waist and she buried her face in his chest as images flashed behind her closed eyelids. She trembled and he rubbed her back.

“He liked to watch them do stuff to me while he held me down. One time, he invited friends over to watch him… to watch us have sex.”

He put his chin on the top of her head. “Baby, he raped you. Everybody who touched you without permission did.”

She pulled back, sniffling. “But I stopped fighting. Doesn’t that mean that I wanted it?”

He met her eyes. “Did you want to have sex with him, Lily?”

She shook her head. “No. I stopped fighting him to not get hit as much, but all it did was make him angrier.”

He put his forehead against hers. “Sometimes, sweetheart, men and women, don’t care who their sexual desires hurt. Just because you didn’t fight him doesn’t mean you wanted them to touch you. That is rape and that is not your fault. I don’t blame you or hold you responsible for their actions. Nobody does.” He cupped her face and ran his thumb over her trembling lip. “You have to stop blaming yourself. You have to understand that their failings are not yours.”

She closed her eyes. “What if I’m never ready to mate with you?”

He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Then I will do what I’ve done these past three years.”

“What’s that?”

“Take Palmela on a date. Maybe use Leftie on occasion. You know, spice it up.”

Her eyes snapped open and she narrowed her eyes. “Whose Palmela?”

He held up his hand, grinning. “Palm–ela.”

Her eyes widened and she blushed. “I don’t want you to have to do..” She waved her hand. “That for your whole life. It’s not fair to you.”

He took her hand and wound his fingers through hers. “It would be even more unfair to me and to you, not to have the person we love most in this world. If we never made love, and yes that’s what it would be, I would be satisfied as long as you were next to me. I don’t love you, because of how you look or what I want to do with you. I love you, because your spirit is the brightest one I have ever had the pleasure to meet,”

She swallowed nervously. “Do you want to do things to me?”

He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “With, Lily, not to. If you ever become ready to be intimate with me, there are things I would love to do with you. Such as wanting to kiss you until you are a puddle under my hands. Even though now, I think that it will be over me. I want to show you what consensual touching is and make sure that you know when I touch you, it comes from a place of love and not obsession.”

She looked up at him and he could see her pondering something. She knew it. He had watched her too closely to not know when she was plotting Gemma was pushing her to test him. She wanted to know if he could be trusted. It didn’t matter that Lily had told her he could be.

“Let me have control,” Gemma suggested. “T’ll do it‘

She looked away. She didn’t like her plan. It made Lily panic and she wanted to vomit, because if he failed-

‘He better not!,‘ Gemma hissed. ‘You said we could trust him. Were you lying?

Lily looked into his eyes and swallowed nervously. She closed her eyes and let Gemma have control. Her eyes opened and he stared at her. He leaned back against the couch.

“Well, hello, Gemma.”

She tilted her head. “Am I really that different from Lily?”

He put

his arms

behind his head. “Noticeably, yes.”

She shifted on his lap so that she was straddling him. She put her hands on the back of the couch and leaned forward to kiss him. He turned his head and her lips grazed his cheek. She trailed kisses down his neck and his hands went to her waist and he lifted her to put her next to him. He knelt at her feet with his head on her knees.

“Gemma, listen to me. I want more than anything to make love to both of you. I have for years, since the day I met Lily, if I’m honest, but she is not ready and I will not let you do something she is not ready for. Lily needs to heal. You both do. I understand that in our species, sex is normal and that it is normal to desire your mate like this, but to be honest with you, I’m not ready to be with you two yet, either. I can feel her fear, even now and it makes me sad. I never want to make her afraid. I won’t be ready to mate you, either of you, until Lily trusts me with that part of herself. He pressed a kiss to the side of her knee. “Please, be patient and when if it happens, I promise you, I will show you how it’s supposed to be.”

She ran her fingers through his hair as Gemma pushed her forward, more than satisfied with his reaction. They stayed that way for a few minutes with his arm around her legs and her fingers, combing through his hair.

“Lukas.”

“Yes, Lily?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything?”

She cleared her throat. “Do you th

think….”

Panic rose, making her chest constrict. She took a deep breath in.

“Do you think you..

Her heart started pounding and she wanted to vomit again. She jumped up and ran to the trash can. She sank to the floor beside it and vomited up stomach acid. She had nothing else in her system to bring up. Lukas sat behind her with his arm around her waist and murmured softly to her. She started to relax against him and played with the bracelet on his wrist.

“Why do you still wear this stupid thing?”

He put his chin on her shoulder as he watched her fidget with it. “Because it’s the best gift I ever got and I like it.”

She sighed.

“Lily, what’s wrong?”

*I just.. Will you say yes to my next question…”

“Depends on what it is..”

“I need to know that you will say yes, before I ask.”

“Lily…”

“It’s not bad. I just.. am afraid of being rejected by you.”

He kissed her cheek. “I will never reject you

She ran her fingers over his arm and let her head drop. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?,” she whispered.

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Smallz27.2

why does Gemma keep testing him honestly?

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