JUNE BREAK

By AMAH’S HEART

I sat quietly beside Louis as he drives on.

I kept thinking of my actions again.

I seriously wish things were a little different but is useless crying over a spilled milk.

We have been on the road for over four hours, is a very long drive and I have tried to force sleep, maybe with a little sleep I will be able to forget it all and feel relax but sleep kept a clear distance.

I relaxed my head one side as Louis continue driving.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

He tries to cheer me up, he engaged me in a conversation, he bought food and my favorite drink.

None of that could cheer me up.

If not that I have had enough trouble chew on, I have been pushed real hard to the wall and can no longer take in more which prompted this journey, if not all of this I wouldn’t have embarked on this unknown trip.

Is another road to nowhere but no matter where the road leads I’m not going back

There’s no going back for me. For summoning the courage to leave was a huge calculated steps.

I was invisible, unknown in my house. No one acknowledges me or the whole effort I put in.

They underrated me and took me for granted.

My Dad will say I’m too selfish when I try to hold back some of my savings. him and my Mom will ask me why exactly I’m saving money when they are still feeding and taking care of me.

If they needed the money for themselves I will try to understand because they are my parents but wanting to use it for Rachel most times is what pisses me off.

Rachel does not respect or appreciate me in anyway.

She gets away with all her insults and my parents want to turn me into a maid, a servant to Rachel.

That I can’t take. Enough of the discrimination, enough of the belittling attitude. I have had enough of everything and there is no space to take in more.

“Are you having a double mind? I can spare some time and drive you back to the closest bus stop to home. I would have taken you back but I can’t afford to miss my work appointment which is this coming Monday. Whatever decision you decide April I’m here to support you. I’m cool with whatever choice you make…”

I sighed heavily and replied

“I’m not going back Louis, maybe not soon. My mind is actually made up on this. I’m only wishing things were little different, I would not have had reason to Leave in the first place. I’m sorry that I have to drag you into this…”

Louis told me to stop worrying that everything will be fine.

I kept trying to engage my mind with other things but I can’t stop thinking about home.

Home means everything to me, I don’t know if I will ever stop thinking of it.

I was rather in a haste when I meet up with Louis because I was afraid that I may change my mind but sitting down here I feel sad that I had to leave the way I did.

No goodbye or hugs. No prayer from my parents or kind wishes from my siblings.

That is more reason why I’m sad but I can’t go back now.

I shut my eyes and try to imagine the great things the future holds for me.

Even in my imagination I can’t help but think of home.

I managed to sleep off after a while.

Louis later tapped me awake that we have arrived.

I yawned tiredly, looked around. It was not home.

I was at a strange place. A small compound fenced.

This wasn’t home, what am I doing here?

That was my first thought until realization hit me.

I sighed angrily, came down and pick up my back pack which contains just few of my stuffs.

I followed Louis inside his apartment which was a room and parlour safe contain

It was a small apartment but was well furnished and neat.

I felt so awkward as I stood like a stranger not knowing what next

Louis try to show me around the house, I wasn’t really paying attention.

I kept wondering what my people will be doing at that moment. Maybe they are searching for me.

Probably gone to the bakery but I’m not there. Ask few people but none knows of my whereabouts.

There was no contact to reach me which makes it more troubling.

I know my parents phone and brothers too but I’m not going to call any.

What if they are happy that I’m gone and felt burden free because now they will concentrate more on Rachel.

What if the reason why they will miss me is because there will be nobody to act as the maid.

Nobody to take blames for Rachel’s actions. Nobody to run around for Rachael and serve her as the queen of the house.

Well, is good that I won’t be truly missed because that would have made me feel real bad.

I’m not missing anyone too. It balance up that way.

“Are you listening to any thing I just said? Louis asked as he brought back my attention.

I looked at him confused.

“… I see you needs lots of rest. Go take your bath while I fix something for dinner. I will be sleeping in the sitting room. You can have the room all to yourself. And please feel at home. Don’t be scared of anything. You know that I respect and love you. This maybe a hard time for you, I will always be here if you need me…”

I nodded as I try to smile.

He showed me the bathroom and gave me a neat towel to use.

I thanked him and went in to shower.

I really can’t continue thinking of my people.

Maybe is time to embrace the present and look out for whatever the future has in store.