CHAPTER 88
Bryan’s POV
I feel nothing but guilt for everything. This is something I haven’t felt in a year. I have only felt this kind of emotion for Helena but now I don’t feel guilty for her death, what I feel is guilt for how I have always treated Celine.
What bothers me the most is why she seems calm with everything. She has never raised her voice on me until the other day.
I want to stop mistreating her and I want to give her the freedom she deserves when everything is settled. Father would come to New York soon and sort it out for me. Then Celine can leave but as much as I think of it, I don’t want her to leave.
I am thinking it is because I don’t want her to get hurt but this is more than just being protective of her.
There is something else in me that I can place. Something new that I have never felt before. Or maybe it has always been there but I never took cognizance of it.
When I kissed her this morning, it felt right. I felt the same overwhelming feeling I used to feel for Helena. It felt as if I was with Helena and I wonder why she reminds me so much of Helena.
I turn to my side, wishing for sleep to envelop me.
After turning for several minutes without sleeping, I lay on my back with my two hands below my head, as I stare up at the ceiling.
There is this feeling in me that I can place. I feel light. I feel calm. I feel overwhelmed for no reason and it baffles me.
The quilt, the remorse, the horrible feeling, and the anger are no longer there. Is this what it takes to finally let go?
I perk up when I hear footsteps and I look towards the door to see the doorknob turning. I lay back on the bed, my eyes closed pretending to be asleep.
Who is it this time? An intruder?
Definitely no! The last time it happened, I lost guard and I am very sure Celine would never make this mistake again.
The door opens, the intruder trying so hard not to let it disturb my sleep. The door closes back almost immediately, creating a low creaking sound.
I open my eyes slowly and turn to see it is Celine. Unconsciously, a sigh of relief escapes my mouth.
Why is she here by this time of the night? Before I can think of an answer, I see her turning to the other room where the closet is and I know instantly that she is here to pick my dress out and pretend as if she did that when it was time for her to.
This was the same thing she did the last time and I pretended as if I didn’t notice the dress.
I watch her walk on tiptoe and a few minutes later, she comes back with a suit and matching black shoes. She places the suit on the sofa and drops the shiny shoes, then she stands watching me from afar, I hear her sigh heavily before turning back to go.
“Celine”, I find myself calling out to her before she can get to the door. I know for certain that I won’t be able to sleep a wink tonight and it won’t hurt to have a companion. Apparently, she can’t find sleep either.
She turns back, biting on her lips in regrets that I have caught her red-handed. Without standing up from the bed, I beckon to her to come closer.
She does that slowly, her hands clasped tightly behind her, her lower lips in between her teeth.
“I’m sorry but I couldn’t sleep so I thought it would be best if I come to pick up your clothes now so I won’t end up waking up late for you…”
“You did this same thing a night ago, didn’t you?” I interrupt her, a look of amusement on my face because of how nervous she looks. She must think that I am going to scold and shout at her but I love the fact that she is here now that I need company.
She looks down and nods.
I actually thought she would deny it. I’m glad she didn’t lie.
I stretch my arms and mutter. “I can’t sleep either.”
“Oh!” She murmurs, looking up again.
“I guess we have to keep each other’s company then?” I ask her and after a moment of silence, she nods with a smile and drags a seat closer to my bed so she can sit in but I shake my head, wave my hand in her face and beckon to her again.
“What?” She asks, looking confused as to why I am beckoning to her.
“Who knows? You might fall asleep while we are talking. You can sleep on the bed if you want to and…”
“What? Sleep with you on the bed?” She questions sharply.
“Yes”, I roll my eyes. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
She bites her lips, her hands trembling and her face suddenly becoming red in embarrassment. This is when I notice the nightwear she is wearing. It is flowery silk satin nightwear and it looks pretty good on her with her hair all over her shoulder and her cleavage a bit exposed.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.
I gulp, shifting my gaze back to her face, expecting a positive nod.
She doesn’t nod, she puffs out air and blinks several times as though to be sure she isn’t in a dreamland and this is reality.
Slowly, she nods and I move a little to the other side to give her enough space to lie on. She climbs in and lays on her right side, her back to me.
My gaze lingers on her butts and I find myself gulping. I am really not satisfied with the sleeping posture so I tap her.
“Uhmm?” She is curled up with her hands in her mouth.
“You can face me, it’s fine”, I assure her and she turns to face me. We both lie on the bed, staring at each other.
Suddenly, my heart begins to hammer strangely and I become scared that she would hear the sound.
Impulsively, I find my hand locking the pleats of hair in her face behind her back, her face looking pretty as though this is the first time I will be in close contact with her.
I love the way she is biting her lips.
“Why can’t you sleep?” She asks softly in an extremely low tone. It could even pass for a whisper. Her mint breath fans my face and I close my eyes.
When I open it, she is watching me with curiosity. She wants to know why I am not sleeping. Well, I want to know why she isn’t sleeping too.
I tug another pleat of hair behind her ears, my hand brushing her red ears. “Why aren’t you sleeping too?”
Her hands drop from her mouth and it shakes a little. “I’m…I seriously don’t know”, she tries to chuckle to lighten up the situation.
We were both in a tight fix. I can’t sleep and she can’t either. This isn’t the first time this is happening. I have seen her downstairs twice instead of being in bed sleeping.
Why does she have to be awake when I am too?
“What’s on your mind?” I am not tearing my gaze away from her. I love what I see in her eyes. I love how I feel with her right beside me.
“Nothing”, she whispers, shaking her head a little.
“Really?” I whisper back and she nods. “Are you thinking about the kiss?”
She remains silent for a while before she scoffs. “No, of course not. Why would I? It’s not as if it is real or is it?”
Silence falls and I smile inwardly.
Yeah, it isn’t real.
“It isn’t real, right?” She asks me again, her hands touching mine as an electric tremor runs down my spine, my heart beating faster than usual, and my breathing hitched too. “It was just a mistake and mistakes like that are bound to happen.”
I nod.
We continue to watch each other till she closes her eyes. I am thinking she has fallen asleep until she yawns, covering her mouth with the back of her palm and saying. “Good night.”
It takes a while for me to realize this is indeed happening and it takes a whole lot of courage for me to allow this in spite of my ego.
I enjoy this.
I enjoy having her on my bed and I wish she can be in my arms. I don’t want to scare her.
Softly, I say back to her. “Goodnight.”
She doesn’t respond as her chest heaves up and down slowly. Then it dawns on me that Celine is already asleep.