Bullied

Mama you’re okay now.

You’re safe now, okay.

You’re in a better place now.

I’ll see you another day now.

UOK- NASTY C

Bonjour everyone!!

Everyone, bonjour!!

Why I’m so happy?, well today is the twelfth day into the month of September and guess what?

It’s also my birthday.

Give me an A!

Hahaha. So much for beginning to take responsibility.

Did I make mention that today was also the day I was allowed to take my babies home.

Yay us!

They’ve finally completed nine whole months!

They’re so grown up.

*Sniffles tears*

” The earlier you realize that talking to a mirror is the first sign of insanity, the safer it is for Jan and June” Mom stated with a ghost smile on her face as she leaned against my door.

Her signature silk nightgown still gracing her slender body.

“Mama you’re a grandma!!” I jumped to face her with exasperation then ran to give her a bone crushing hug.

” Baby you’re a mama!” She mimicked my tone but hugged me none the less ” Morning sweetheart ”

“Morning mom” My voice muffled due to the pressure I used to press my face onto her.

“And happy birthday dearie. I think nature’s given you the best gift in two living, breathing packages” Her smile not faltering.

And I laughed at her theory as true as it may seem.

” You excited on being a mom. I know I wasn’t ” Her voice holding a smirk I could not see.

” Mom!!” raising my head from her body to look her in the eye.

And hear her repeat that statement.

” Hey! I’m kidding, don’t go all monkey on me” Raising her hands in surrender.

” These days it’s no longer called monkey ”

“What’s the latest? Baboon?” Her hands dropping to her side and she gives me a weary look.

” Nope it’s called ape shit ” Flashing the widest grin I’ve got.

“Ape? Also belonging to the monkey family?”

Monkey family?? That’s it. We’re all weird together.

I broke away from her and went back to my bathroom mirror.

” I added a few pounds lately ” I said observing curves on my body that we’re non-existent till now.

“Few? Baby you look swollen compared to these past months”

” Mom! No girl likes being called fat!”

“I never called you fat, I said you look swollen” She shrugged like her words were equal to telling me the grass is green.

” Hmmmph” I pouted and turned back to the mirror to apply a little makeup.

And by a little, I mean use a concealer to hide the scar on my forehead.

Mom let out a brief chuckle and spoke up ” Let me go freshen up, then we can go pick the kids, sound ok?”

The only reply I gave was a smile.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

” Good, we’ll stop by at Tucker’s”

” We’ll buy banana smoothies!!” I shrieked like a little girl.

Life is shocking as it is.

” Nuh-uh young lady, I’m getting a banana smoothie, you need to go on a diet” She placed her hands on her hip and waited for a response.

A response which no matter how reasonable won’t change anything.

” Well then salad it is for you!” She shrieked in mockery of my tune and made her way out of my bedroom.

And to think we’re both mothers.

©©©©©©

” Muchacho!!!”

” Tucker!! ” It’s been ages since I’ve seen this rounded bellied man.

“You guys know each other?” Mom asked surprised by our exchange.

” Of course! This little lad here was my best employee, well till she disappeared without trace” His last words came with a glare towards my direction.

” Long story Tucker ” I whined at my bad behavior.

” Cut it short” He glared again.

” Clement will do a lot better explanation than I would ” I took a seat at the counter and mom copied my movement, still choosing not to join our conversation.

” So he was in on this?” He faked a hurt emotion and placed his hand on his heart.

” What? No! I kinda explained it to him”

” So you tell him every thing now eh?” Tucker wriggled his brows at his comment.

I groaned in frustration. I really just want to bring my babies home.

” Two banana smoothies please ” I ordered

” Ehm, one banana smoothie and a plate of vegetable salad, she needs to tonne down on the carbs. ”

So now was the best time to speak up.

I couldn’t hide my pout and it caused mom and Tucker to laugh at me.

” Her mom, finally nice to meet you ” Tucker said extending his hand for a shake which was returned before retreating to get our orders.

A few seconds of silence and mom opened up again.

” Sooo….. Is this why you never collected our money? You had your own source ?”

” Yup, but I don’t work here anymore. I don’t need it” I replied gleefully but she didn’t seem too happy about it.

” You ok Mom?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking of all you had to go through when your dad and I were being too stupid. You never collected cash from us and we never cared how you catered for yourself. I’m really sorry pumpkin. Your Dad and I both ”

” It’s okay. We’re alright now arent we?”

” Sure we are!” She responded in a jolly tune and gave me the biggest smile she could ever muster.

And I smiled back.

” Where’s dad?” I asked remembering I hadn’t seen him all day.

” He’s getting stuffs ready for when we return with the kids. Kinda a little party. His idea not mine” She shrugged.

I really just realized where my apathy for social events came from. She literally hates anything to do with three people.

” It’s okay. It’ll be fun by the way” I offered her another smile.

” Soooo…”

Another so?

” Uhun?”

Spill momma.

” You tell Clement everything right?” Her smile slowly transforming into a smirk.

” You too!!” I groaned again.

” What? It won’t kill to let your mom in on some little secrets ”

She literally sounds like a high school blond right now.

” Really mom, you guys-”

” Order up!!” Tucker came back with a tray of salad and smoothie. And handed my mom the smoothie.

BETRAYALS EVERYWHERE!!

” You really got me a salad?”

” Yup chap. Your mom’s right, you look like a tanned bloom”

Bloom?!! What the?!!

” You guys are sworn betrayals!”

They rather found my outburst hilarious.

And I hungrily munched away on my salad.

Healthy or not, I was starving.

Mom and Tucker got into a light conversation on my time here while I ate away, and from the look of things I think Mom is happy that I was in good hands.

Their conversation going smooth whilst she’s taking sips of her order, till a phone call interrupts her discussion.

” Hey sweetie ” So I believe it’s Dad.

A moment of silence from her and she ends the call.

” Uhmm, Iris darling I’ve gotta go do something real quick, don’t leave till I’m back ” Her words sounding like she’s straining.

” Any problem? I could help” I’m starting to get worried though.

” Nah, just a little issue with dad. I’ll be back ” She plants a kiss on my forehead and whispers something to Tucker to which he nods and spares me a look.

A little wave and she was out the door.

” So do you mind giving a helping hand as you wait? For old times sake ” He asked with a sheepish grin knowing fully well that I won’t give a no for an answer.

——-

It’s seven PM at night and Mom hasn’t returned. I’m really starting to get a feeling.

” What did she say when she was leaving ?” I shouted to Tucker who was picking up bottles from a nearby table in an almost bustling restaurant while I served the other.

” No details given, just I should help keep you busy so you don’t leave ” He too looked as much as confused as I was.

I sighed. So much for leaving me on my birthday.

” Tucker, I wanna go home” Sadness slowly seeping into my emotion.

” You okay kid?”

” Yeah, just wanna go lie down ” I handed over my apron as he just smiled and gave me a pat on the head.

” Wait for me at the entrance kid”I nodded and stood by the door for him.

The juke box playing a song I got familiar with due to my days here.

” Here you go ” He came back and slipped a banana smoothie into my hand.

” What for?” I couldn’t help but grin at the sugary treat in my grip.

” Don’t let your mama know alright? Happy birthday my lil girl ” He said and gave an embrace.

” You-you remembered?”

” What you should ask me is if I’ll ever forget ”

I chuckled at his petinence.

” Thank you ”

” It’s really the least I can do”

We pulled apart and I took my way.

My way to the hospital.

=======

“Good evening Mrs Keller” I hopped into the hospital reception with a simple look on my face.

” Uh- Heyy Iris, w-what are you doing here?” She was stuttering and that is not at all a good sign.

Was dad involved in an accident?

” Looking at the time I was meant to be here earlier, you know. To pick up the kids?”

It’s already a few minutes to nine, I assumed I was late.

” Err- yeah. Give me just a minute ” And she ran out the back door.

Well that was a strange encounter.

I took a seat in the waiting room and sent momvoicemail since she wasn’t picking her calls.

At least to inform her that I’m getting the kids alone.

I literally waited and fumbled with my phone for exactly two hours and now it’s past eleven.

What exactly is going on!?

I ain’t waiting for anyone anymore.

I got up and barged through the back door.

Few flight of stairs and some turns I arrived at the incubation room. Funny enough the room is empty but I can still see a figure in the farthest bed.

I walked over to the mini comfort at the end of the hall and saw one of my babies lying there with eyes wide open.

I believe this is the girl… Let me confirrrrm that.

Yup. Definitely the girl.

Her eyes were deep blue and shiny, particularly reminding me of someone.

Yeah, her Dad.

But that didn’t matter. She was beautiful with curly black hair and tiny pink lips.

Come to think of it, all her traits we’re her dad’s. Well you could say the black hair was mine too cause that was something we had in common.

She made a little gurgling sound that pulls me out of my black out in comparing she and her dad.

And now she looks like she’s about to go down in tears.

” Hey, not when mommy is here” I picked her up and I still had the exact same feelings I got when I carried them for the first time.

She nestled her head to the crook of my neck and lay quiet while I gave her soft pats on the back.

Now to find your brother.

Mom already gave them names she’d love to call them.

June and Jan.

So… Now to find Jan.

I walked out of the room and was just following a straight path.

After a few steps before I even begin to hear snores coming off my shoulder and realize that June has slept off.

The way she gripped onto me like I’m her lifeline was enough to bring a smile to my face.

So that’s the joy of motherhood.

But slightly, panic finds it’s way to my heart again.

Where is Jan?

I take a left turn at a T path to continue my search in the rooms when I hear a voice that puts me at unease.

” Try again!!”

Mom?

And the voice is coming from the right path. I quickly change my course and head the other way.

First door.

Nothing.

Second door.

Still nothing.

Third….

“I’m sorry……” A long pause from the voice I presume to be the doctor ” But we lost him”

Lost who!?

Oh my God! Dad!!

I pushed the door open and was met with a surgery ward.

” Mom what happened to_ Dad?”

Dad was rather, standing there with shock written all over his face and so did everyone else.

By everyone else I’m referring to mom who has tears all over her face alongside Megan and Meredith.

” What’s going on?”

The answer to my question was silence. But now to ask more thriving issues.

” Where’s Jan?”

The doctor and my dad exchanged looks like they we’re having a mind battle on who should speak up but finally the doctor sighed and started.

“Jan is… Uhm…”

” Uhun?”

” I’m sorry but Jan is no more ” He couldn’t keep eye contact with me as he said that.

And that was what made me just think that just maybe, he was joking.

” It’s not funny ” I glared at him trying to pull off a prank on me with total fail.

” Miss Shawn please calm down ”

” Calm down!?, calm down!??… You practically just pulled the worst joke in the history of comedy and you’re telling me to calm down!?.. I ask you again, WHERE- IS- MY- BABY!!?”I snapped.

This is in no way funny, and why is everyone keeping sober faces? Are they all in on this plan too? Is this what they occupied themselves with today? A way to hurt me?

I didn’t realize I was already in tears till I felt snot thickening at the back of my nose.

” Miss Shawn, I’m really sorry but I have not lied to you. We lost him” The doctor sounded really remorseful that it would be hard not to believe.

Then I saw the nurse at the reception near the bed that stood in the middle of the room. Her face holding nothing but pity.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Mom left because she knew.

Dad called because he knew too.

Megan and Meredith are here because they’re aware too.

And the nurse was also aware and that’s why she was acting odd.

I was the only one who didn’t.

The one one who didn’t know my baby boy is dead.

The tears ran a full river down my face.

” How?” I asked while a gaping feeling stood in my heart.

” Having been born prematurely, his immunity tends to be weak and would process a lot slower. But when his heart rate began to slow its pace we saw it as a red light, so we observed after prescribing some medications and the rate kept reducing till we tried everything possible. Even the shock dilator couldn’t bring him back. We are sorry ” The doctor explained as his hand goes to the back of June whom I just remembered I’m carrying on me.

Summary of his explanation.

I killed him.

If I wasn’t so weak, they could have been born normal without difficulties.

” What of her?” I was referring to June in my arms.

” Same thing happened to her, but she fought and survived. She’s a strong girl ” He said while trying to smile but couldn’t.

I lost him without getting to know him. Without him being able to call me mom. Without being able to love me as much as I loved him.

This was when everyone around came over to console me. My heart feels like a big part was just set ablaze.

” Can- can I see him ” I asked the white coated doctor and he gave me a brief nod.

I walked over to the bed and saw him lying there.

Without life.

He was also the exact replica of Hunter, even with nose structure.

I couldn’t help but smile at him.

Maybe this was better for him.

He doesn’t need to see how cruel the world is. How wicked people can be.

Especially his own dad.

At least he’s okay now. He’s safe.

He’s in a better place.

This isn’t the end. We’ll surely meet at the other side of life. Maybe then I can tell him how much I loved him despite all odds.

I took his tiny hand in mine and held it firm while staring at his face.

Up till today they never opened their eyes. I had seen June’s beautiful blue eyes but I never got to see Jan’s.

I let go of his hand and lifted one of his closed eyelids.

His eyes were brown. Just like mine.

I never knew I had more tears in me till this point.