A Love Restored

I rushed back to the kitchen as soon as Felix was out of sight. My head was

spinning, I could feel the blood rush in my veins, my heart beating so fast I

could feel it in my neck. I touched the back of my neck, feeling the warmth

under the palm of my hand and closed my eyes. One. Two. Three. Five. Six.

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One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Si-

“Are you okay, honey?” I felt Lydia’s hand on my shoulder. I nodded, still

trying to catch my breath.

“Are you feeling sick?” She questioned, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry about

that. I just get really anxious sometimes.” I looked back at her to see her eyes

filled with concern, her lips turned down into a worried frown. I managed to

muster a smile. “It won’t happen again.”

Lydia’s brows furrowed. “You’re allowed to get anxious at work, Flora.” She

said softly, patting my shoulder. “Sit down, I’ll make you something cold to

drink.”

I nodded gratefully, sitting down on a stool near the counter. I watched as

Lydia made me some lemonade. Of course, I had to have a panic attack on

the first day of work. I wondered if Lydia now thought that I was too mentally

unstable to work here and would only be a liability to her. I was a good

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worker. And this was only my second panic attack this month. And it was a

mild one at that. If Lydia wanted to fire me, I would convince her. I couldn’t let

this job go. I needed the money too much. And I needed to speak to Felix. I

was sure he would remember me. How could he forget? We’d spent our

entire childhood together. We had shared a deep friendship, but more than

that, we had shared a deep love. I knew I wasn’t wrong about that. Maybe I

looked too different now. After all, I had just been a child the last time he had

seen me. Maybe he had been too tired to notice.

Lydia handed me a glass of lemonade, and I sipped on it slowly. “Thank you,

Lydia.” I told her. “I don’t know why this happened. But I promise its rare. I

won’t let it affect my work.”

“Happens to the best of us, child.” She assured. “I’ve seen girls have worse

reactions to Felix. He has that charm, you know?” She grinned, trying to

lighten the situation. I cracked a smile at her joke. Women had always had

such reactions to Felix. But I hadn’t felt like this because he was too

attractive, I had felt like this because it felt like my whole world was caving

over me, and I was going to get stuck under the rubble.

I finished my drink and quickly washed the glass and kept it back in its place.

It was almost time for lunch, and Lydia had put together a fancy salad along

with some iced tea. She was going to take the food to him, and I was grateful

for that, but then her phone rang, and she asked me to do it instead. I don’t

think I was ready to see him yet, but I had to. How long could I delay it?

Besides, if I wanted to speak to him about before, I needed to be confident

enough to string a few words together to form coherent sentences. I grabbed

the tray and walked to the dining table, and saw Felix walk in from the other

side. He didn’t spare me a glance, and sat down on a chair. I quietly placed

the food on the table, and stepped to the side. I took a minute to look at him,

really look at him. He was taller now, if that was possible. Or maybe he had

always been this tall and I didn’t remember it. His hair was longer, of course.

His jaw sharper, his cheekbones more defined. A dark, deliberate stubble

graced his face. He always used to keep his face shaved before. His eyes

were green as ever, like the foliage in the woods, like a dark rainforest. I

swallowed, feeling a heaviness settle on my chest. I knew if I stood here any

longer, I would cry. It was too hard.

I had thought of this before. Dreamt of it, really. But it had been a distant

dream, that we would ever meet again. We lived in different worlds, but I had

still envisioned it. What I would say to him, what he would say, what he would

look like. He’d embrace me immediately. We’d both cry. He’d take me back.

He’d understand. I had known it would be hard, but I hadn’t known it would be

this hard. I’d thought these five years had dissolved all the feelings I’d had for

him, but all the love and tenderness had rushed back the moment I’d seen

him. It was like I was sixteen again, all giddy at the mention of his name, my

heart pounding at the sight of him, overcome by love, by pain.

I guess this is what happens when you never get closure. When you’re

suddenly uprooted from everything you hold dear, everything familiar to you.

“C-can I get you anything else?” I managed to let out.

Felix finally looked at me. A momentary glance, barely a second, but I felt it.

“No.” he said simply.

I looked at his half full glass of tea. “More tea?”

“No, Ms. White.” He said, “Now please leave. I don’t appreciate being

watched while I eat.”

I nodded readily and retreated to the kitchen. It was okay that he was being

so cold toward me. And maybe he was refusing to recognize me because he

didn’t want to create a scene in front of Lydia. I would talk to him when Lydia

left. We were supposed to leave after preparing dinner. I would make sure

she did so first.

I helped Lydia with dinner, it was simple, something he could reheat quickly

when he felt hungry. I left the cobbler in a microwaveable container as well,

with a note that read ‘Please eat with ice cream.’ I hoped he would like it. I

had worked hard on it.